C’est La Vie
Montreal was clown central. There were cabarets and big shows at the TOHU.
I decided to go to Concordia University in Montreal to do my M.A. on the archetypal role of the clown in the Special Individualized Program. I was only 58 years old – why not? I performed with my new old clown Agnes. Pierrot was never far behind.
I wrote this show up for a university assignment. I performed it at a cabaret style show called Café Concret. I had big dreams of becoming bilingual in those days. At least, I could be a bilingual clown because the audience was mostly French. There was a flat foam puppet mouse glued onto a popsicle stick in my purse named Twinky that I conversed with. As a clown script, this show might not sound very intelligent, but it worked well enough. Two of my clowning students performed in another piece in the cabaret.
Agnes Knitbrit Lectures on Family Planning – Dec 2010
Bonjour, Hello
Hello, Bonjour
Je m’appelle Agnes
My name is Agnes
Je ici a parles les familles uh …Je ici a parles a les familles …
I’m here to talk about family planning.
Maintnant, je connu que vous desirez votre familles! Mais vous attendez!!
Now, I know that you are wanting to start your families, but you should wait!!
No Twinky, be quiet.
No Twinky, they don’t want to meet you.
Be quiet.
No, not you. Hahmn,,,,As… Que je parle
No Twinky, I won’t ask them, they don’t want to meet you.
Now let me see…. Twinky!!!!!! Alright…
Voulez-vous reconnaitre… no.. conaitre a,,,,,no
Would you like to meet Twinky?
Oohh.
Twinky ne parler pas francais……
C’est mon sourire Twinky…..
C’est mon oh…. This is my mouse Twinky.
I couldn’t leave him at home because he chews things.
Je ne laissez mon petit chez moi parce que il manger les choses.
Mais maintenant je desirez appelez vous a “Be Safe”
No – not like crossing at street lights!!!! Not a safe cracker…. Although you’re in trouble if it cracks….Like, well – protecting yourself.
Twinky … No not like wearing boxing gloves! Well, it’s a kind of glove…. Ahh for one finger.
Twinky …..No not the trigger finger!! Although it shoots!
No not like carrying a machine gun!!! Twinky be quiet!!!
Je suis desoles Madames et Monsiuers, Twinky sont tres juene a savez…. Les flueres et les Buzz, buzz….
Be quiet! No not you Ladies and Gentlemen…
Un demonstration….
J’ai besion de un benevole, s’il vous plait. A volunteer please.
No Twinky, you’re too young!
Un jeune grand homme!
Un … hahmm… a nice big young man!
No Twinky, you’re too young. In mouse years? Oh, augh!
Parlez-vous francais? Ah, viens ici. (Agnes selects a volunteer from the audience who comes up on stage.)
This is yours. (Agnes gives the volunteer a water sprayer.)
Maintenant mon parapluie.
Squirtez-moi!....... oh yes, first you need to get it up. Here let me help you. Moi-vous aidez. Let’s see if it works. There it works.
Squirtez-moi!!! (Volunteer squirts Agnes.)
Regardez. Je suis moullliez.
I am all wet.
Then hide in my purse Twinky.
Aidez-moi avec mon raincoat. (Volunteer helps Agnes put on her raincoat and then gets him to spray her again.)
Again.
Deux fois.
Aaahhh. Now see, regardez, souvez mon raincoat est pluiees. Mais je suis sec. No, not sick, dry. (Agnes shows the audience how she is dry under her raincoat.)
C’est clair?
Do you get my meaning?
My times up?
No Twinky there’s no time left. Next time Twinky, when you’re older. You’ll be dead? Don’t be silly.
Merci, Mesdames et monsiours. C’est la vie!
