Humour in Learning English
Clowning can take all forms. We weren’t using noses but we were playing with mistakes from daily lives in many forms.
The Drama Divas continued. We discovered that one thing that newcomers had trouble with was shopping, so we did a shopping show. Koren played music and was the cashier, Kris was a clothes rack, produce shelf and drink machine, Sue was a recent immigrant and mother of teenager Wanda. Following is the script and some pictures.
Shopping Show
On stage right is the grocery store with imaginary cash register facing the audience, with a keyboard beside it and with the counter (two chairs) to the cashier’s left. Standing a little further to the cashier’s left and upstage is a woman with a SHELF which is held up by two straps around her neck. In her hands she is holding a sign that says Produce.
On stage left are two chairs around a small table (kitchen) with a long table for a counter behind them.
Scene 1
A CASHIER is standing at the till (a chair), a SHOPPER enters from the back of the store and is looking around as if she doesn’t know where she is.
CASHIER: May I help you?
SHOPPER: Help?
CASHIER: Are you looking for something?
SHOPPER: Looking? (suddenly she understands, nodding) Vegetables!
CASHIER: (pointing) Just on the shelf, over there.
SHOPPER: Shelf? (She turns around and sees the SHELF. Nodding,) Shelf! (She goes over to the SHELF.) Vegetables! Potato! (picking up the potato and putting it in her basket as she does with each vegetable.) Broccoli! Carrot! Carrot! Carrot! Garlic! Tomato! Celery!
(SHOPPER goes around in a circle as if she’s looking for something else. SHELF changes the sign to “Dog Food” and a big can of dog food is on the shelf.)
CASHIER: May I help you?
SHOPPER: Help?
CASHIER: Are you looking for something?
SHOPPER: Looking? (suddenly she understands, nodding) Stew!
CASHIER: The meat is on the shelf.
(The CASHIER starts to look for something under the till. The SHOPPER goes back to the SHELF, gets the dog food and comes to the till with all the food.)
CASHIER: You’ve got everything that you need?
SHOPPER: Everything!
(SHOPPER nods and smiles. The CASHIER puts through the items quickly, bags them and asks the SHOPPER for money.)
CASHIER: That is $7.95.
SHOPPER: (Pretending to hand her a ten.) Is that enough?
CASHIER: Yes, $2.05 is your change.
Scene 2
(The SHOPPER wanders, looking at things. The CASHIER puts on a different smock and glasses, the SHELF changes to a CLOTHES RACK. SHOPPER goes to CASHIER and starts miming, indicating her shirt.)
CASHIER: Can I help you with something?
SHOPPER: (Tentatively) Shirt?
CASHIER: Yes, we have quite a selection on the rack over there. There is a sale on.
SHOPPER: Sale?
CASHIER: Yes, today the shirts are half price.
SHOPPER: Half price?
CASHIER: Yes, 50% off.
SHOPPER: 50% off?
CASHIER: Go look over there. If you find something you like, bring it back here and I’ll tell you how much it is.
SHOPPER: How much?
CASHIER: (Nodding, smiling and pointing) Cheap!
SHOPPER: Cheap!!!
(SHOPPER goes over to rack and starts looking through the shirts. She finally pulls out one that says “Baby on Board” and smiles. She takes it back to the CASHIER.)
SHOPPER: How much?
CASHIER: $20 regular price, 50% off or half price is $10.
SHOPPER: $10. Cheap! (They both laugh.)
CASHIER: Are you expecting?
SHOPPER: My daughter is home for dinner. (She looks at her watch.)
CASHIER: (Shaking her head.) That will be $11.30 with tax.
(SHOPPER counts out her money and gives it to CASHIER.)
CASHIER: That is perfect, just the correct change. Have a nice day.
Scene 3
(SHOPPER leaves through back and comes into her kitchen. She sets the parcels on the table at the back of her kitchen, takes out her new shirt and puts it over her clothes, then she puts an apron on. She stands with her back to the audience and pretends to be chopping vegetables and cooking. Her teenage daughter comes in and sits at the kitchen table.)
DAUGHTER: Hey Mom, remember that today is the day that you can only talk English.
SHOPPER: English?
DAUGHTER: Yes, only English. That is the only way that you will learn. Only English. Okay?
SHOPPER: Only English? Okay.
DAUGHTER: I hope that food is almost ready, I am starving. What are you wearing?
SHOPPER: Wearing?
DAUGHTER: Your shirt. It looks new. Did you go shopping?
SHOPPER: Shopping? Yes. New shirt. (SHOPPER says smiling. Indicating her shirt, she takes the top half of the apron off over her head.)
DAUGHTER: (reading) “Baby on Board”. Mom, are you expecting?
SHOPPER: You are home.
DAUGHTER: (laughing) No, not expecting me, a baby! We will have to take that back. That means that you are going to have a baby.
SHOPPER: Baby? You are big. (smiling)
DAUGHTER: Give me the shirt we can go shopping this afternoon. What are you making? I’m starving.
SHOPPER: (As she pulls the shirt over her head and gives it to her daughter.) Making? Stew dear. Almost ready.
DAUGHTER: It smells so good!
SHOPPER: Here it is!
(SHOPPER gives the DAUGHTER an imaginary bowl and takes one for herself and sits down to eat.)
DAUGHTER: Thanks Mom. (Eats stew.) Here mom, let me take your bowl. Thanks, that was good.
(DAUGHTER puts imaginary bowls on the table behind them. Picks up the can of dog food and holds it up to her mother.)
DAUGHTER: What is this?
SHOPPER: Stew. (smiling)
DAUGHTER: Stew?
SHOPPER: Stew.
DAUGHTER: Stew…… this is dog food. DOG FOOD. This is dog food!!!! Did you make the stew out of dog food?????
SHOPPER: Stew? Dog Food??
DAUGHTER: Oh Mom!!! Dogs – you know “ARF ARF”!! Oh no!! (Starts laughing.) Dog food!!!
SHOPPER: (laughing) Dog Food?
DAUGHTER: Oh well, I guess dogs eat pretty well in this country. Oh mom, I am going to take you shopping and we’re going to make Pizza!
SHOPPER: Pizza? Okay.
Scene 4
(The SHOPPER and DAUGHTER enter the store from the upstage right. CLOTHES RACK is standing at the back of the store and the CASHIER has on her glasses and smock. DAUGHTER goes up to CASHIER.)
CASHIER: Can I help you?
DAUGHTER: We would like to return this shirt.
CASHIER: But she just bought it today. That is a final sale.
DAUGHTER: But she’s not expecting a baby! She didn’t know what the words meant. You should have told her.
CASHIER: (annoyed) Very well then. I can let you do an exchange.
DAUGHTER: An exchange?
CASHIER: Yes. You can exchange that shirt for another at the same price.
DAUGHTER: (annoyed) Thank you.
(Meanwhile the SHOPPER is looking through the clothes rack and realizing that there is more to the rack than meets the eye.)
DAUGHTER: (approaching SHOPPER) Mom, we can exchange this for another shirt at the same price.
SHOPPER: Exchange?
DAUGHTER: Yes, switch it for another shirt.
SHOPPER: Switch?
DAUGHTER: Yes. Exchange!!
(Meanwhile the CLOTHES RACK is carefully following the conversation. She holds out a shirt for them to look at. DAUGHTER doesn’t even notice but SHOPPER’S eyes are wide.)
DAUGHTER: No, that won’t do!
(CLOTHES RACK puts out another one.)
DAUGHTER: (not noticing that it isn’t SHOPPER who is holding out the shirts.) No, mom. Don’t be silly.
SHOPPER: Silly?
(CLOTHES RACK is getting annoyed. There is a shuffling of clothes. She sticks out some lingerie.)
DAUGHTER: (excited) Oh yes, mom. Will you buy that for me?
SHOPPER: (in shock at the CLOTHES RACK and the lingerie) Buy that? No!!!
DAUGHTER: (whining) Oh mom, you don’t know anything.
SHOPPER: (to DAUGHTER) No!!! (to CLOTHES RACK) No!!!
(SHOPPER puts back lingerie and pulls out shirt.)
SHOPPER: This shirt!
DAUGHTER: (reading) “I Love Winnipeg”. Okay, mom. That’s a good shirt. Let’s exchange it.
(DAUGHTER and SHOPPER approach the CASHIER.)
CASHIER: Did you find what you want?
DAUGHTER: Yes, we’ll exchange the other shirt for this one.
CASHIER: Do you have your receipt.
DAUGHTER: Mom, do you have your receipt?
SHOPPER: Receipt?
CASHIER: Yes. You have to have your receipt or you can’t exchange it.
DAUGHTER: But she just bought it today.
SHOPPER: (Nodding) Today.
CASHIER: (annoyed) I need the receipt.
SHOPPER: (looks in her purse, pulls out the receipt and holds it up) Receipt!
DAUGHTER: You found it!
CASHIER: (as she takes the receipt and makes the exchange, still feeling rather annoyed, but forcing herself to smile) Here you go then. Have a nice day.
DAUGHTER: (returning the forced smile) Thank you!
SHOPPER: (genuinely) Thanks! Have a nice day!
Scene 5
(SHOPPER and DAUGHTER walk into centre stage.)
DAUGHTER (in German): Why wouldn’t you buy me that lingerie? I want it!
SHOPPER: English!
DAUGHTER: Fine. Why wouldn’t you buy me that lingerie? I want it!
SHOPPER: No!!!
DAUGHTER: Then what are you going to buy me? I want something!
(Music starts in the background.)
SHOPPER: Ice Cream
DAUGHTER: Ice cream! I don’t want ice cream! I want a CD!
SHOPPER: A CD?
DAUGHTER: Yes, let’s dance.
(SHOPPER and DAUGHTER dance to the music and laugh. They try on different hats, then give hats to the audience and get them up dancing. They stop to catch their breath when music ends.)
DAUGHTER: I’m thirsty. Let’s have a soft drink. Look, here’s a drink machine.
(Meanwhile the CLOTHES RACK has turned into a DRINK MACHINE. She is smiling at SHOPPER. SHOPPER steps back in shock.)
DAUGHTER: Here, give me a twoney and I’ll show you.
SHOPPER: A twoney? (She pulls it out of her purse and gives it to her daughter.)
DAUGHTER: See, you put the money in there and the drink comes out here. Thanks mom. Now let’s get the groceries for Pizza and the CD.
SHOPPER: Yes, pizza. CD.
(SHOPPER looks at the DRINK MACHINE who waves and walks away. The DAUGHTER doesn’t notice.)
Scene 6
(The grocery CASHIER has come back and removed her smock and glasses. DAUGHTER pulls SHOPPER into the Grocery Store. The SHELF is back standing with produce sign. On the SHELF is a green pepper, an onion, mushrooms.)
DAUGHTER (to cashier): Hi. We are going to make pizza. Where is the produce? CASHIER: Produce? Over there.
(CASHIER points to SHELF. SHELF is smiling at SHOPPER. SHOPPER is getting nervous. )
DAUGHTER: There’s the veges. We need a green pepper.
SHOPPER: (Picking up the green pepper and turning to audience) Green pepper.
DAUGHTER: (As if she is teaching her mother) Yes, green pepper and onions and mushrooms.
SHOPPER: (Picking them up) Onions and mushrooms.
DAUGHTER: Hey, you’ve got it, Mom. Now where can we find flour and yeast?
(SHELF pokes her head from behind the sign and looks around. Then SHELF changes the sign to Baking Goods and puts out the flour and yeast. SHOPPER is watching in amazement as DAUGHTER looks around and asks CASHIER for Baking Goods. SHOPPER taps DAUGHTER on the shoulder and points at the shelf.)
DAUGHTER: (Surprised) Wow! There it is!
SHOPPER: (Picking it up) Flour. Yeast.
DAUGHTER: Great! Now we need sausage. Where are the meats?
(SHELF pokes her head from behind the sign and looks around. Then SHELF changes the sign to Meats and puts out the sausage. SHOPPER is watching in amazement as the DAUGHTER looks around and asks the CASHIER for Meats. The SHOPPER taps her DAUGHTER on the shoulder and points at the shelf.)
DAUGHTER: There it is. I must have missed it. (As she takes the sausage) I wonder where the canned goods are. All we need is a can of tomato sauce and a can of pineapple.
(The SHELF pokes her head from behind the sign and looks around. Then SHELF changes the sign to Canned Goods and puts out the tomato sauce and pineapple. The SHOPPER is watching in amazement as the DAUGHTER looks around and asks the CASHIER for Canned Goods. The SHOPPER taps her DAUGHTER on the shoulder and points at the shelf. Each time she is getting a little more excited.)
DAUGHTER: I don’t believe it. Isn’t this the same shelf? That’s everything. Let’s go. We’ll have a great pizza.
(They turn to go. The SHELF taps the SHOPPER on the shoulder. The SHOPPER turns surprised while the DAUGHTER goes to pay the CASHIER.)
SHELF: (To SHOPPER, making a big face but like she is whispering loudly. The SHOPPER hears but the DAUGHTER and CASHIER don’t hear her.) Cheese!
SHOPPER: (Stunned) Huhh?
SHELF: (loud whisper) Cheese!!!!!
(SHELF changes her sign and puts out cheese.)
SHOPPER: (Loudly) Cheese!?
DAUGHTER: (Turning around) Cheese? Oh, you’re right, I almost forgot the cheese. (Looking at the shelf) And there it is. (Shaking her head) Who would believe it???
(They get the cheese and go back to the counter.)
CASHIER: Did you find everything you needed??
SHOPPER: CD?
DUGHTER: Oh yes. Could we have the CD that you were playing?
CASHIER: Certainly. (She takes the CD from under the shelf.)
SHOPPER: Everything?? Yes! Yes!
(SHOPPER turns to smile at the shelf. The SHELF waves good-bye. They pay and exit.)
The End
I guess the clown thing in this piece was the sales rack that kept changing signs and produce. Kris stood perfectly still and somehow embodied the rack (or drink machine). While staying still she always made eye contact with the shopper (me) and the shopper reacted to her. The funny thing was that the shopper, who didn't know how to speak English, was the only one who could see the magic right in front of them. Kris was such a delight to clown with. In one skit we were both clowns and I did a summersault right over her. Don't ask me how I did that, I still can't figure it out!
Cheers,
Sue