Silly Scripts: Puss in Cahoots, The Musical

Based on the story by Charles Perrault – August 10, 2008

Nov 05, 2023

Welcome to a new series at the Foolish Peacock, Silly Scripts, where we share with our subscribers a clownesque theatrical production for your enjoyment, and under Creative Commons licensing, reproduction.

Puss in Cahoots - The Story

Once upon a time there was a poor farmer. His farm was going to be taken over by a huge agribusiness and he was going to a Seniors Centre. His only son had nowhere to go. His father said, “Take the cat and go seek your fortune”.

Now this was an old farm cat that terrorized the mice and kept the barnyard in order, but seemed to get on well with the mosquitoes and the crows. He hardly seemed like a fortune. But Preston was very fond of him and patted him in the sunshine. Whenever he was around the cat, the mosquitoes never bothered him.

“Sometimes I think that you talk to the mosquitoes,” Preston told the cat. He was quite surprised when the cat began to speak.

“Well Preston, be that as it may, I know that you are a fine boy, even if you dropped out of college, so I’m going to help you out. All that I need is a pair of boots and a sack.”

“A pair of boots and a sack?!!” exclaimed Preston. “We’ll see what we can do.” So, they hopped on the old motorcycle and traveled to Winnipeg. The cat rode in the knapsack on Preston’s back. When they arrived downtown the cat stayed snug in the sack until they arrived at the Shoe Doctor. When the door was closed and the other customers were gone, Preston carefully opened the knapsack and pulled out the cat. “I’d like a pair of boots for him,” he said quietly.

The Shoe Doctor looked warily at Preston, “For him?’ he asked.

“For him!” answered Preston.

“Well,” said the Shoe Doctor, “I happen to have some boots that I made for a woman’s dog, but they didn’t fit him.”

The Cat sniffed in disgust but tried them anyway. They were a perfect fit.

“I also need a sack,” said Preston.

“How about this,” said the Shoe Doctor as he held up a brown cloth boot bag.

“Purrfect!” said the Cat. Preston paid the astonished Shoe Doctor quickly and left the store.

“Where to now?” Preston asked the Cat. “Go down to the river,” answered Puss.

Down at the river the cat hung his sack open underneath some branches and placed a carrot inside. Before long he had caught two rabbits. He said to Preston, “You wait here while I go to the Mayor’s house. He climbed the pipe that went across the river and chatted with the crows as he ran. When he was on the other side he walked right up to the Mayor’s door and rang the bell. A housekeeper opened the door and screamed when she saw a cat holding a bulging sack. The Mayor’s daughter, who was very fond of cats, came running when she heard the scream. She laughed when she saw a cat wearing boots.

“And what would you like Puss?” she asked jokingly.

“I would like to give your father a gift, my pretty maiden.”

She stepped back in shock as the cat spoke and called to her father. Her father came running down the hall to see what was causing the commotion. He stood still when he saw the cat.

“What do you want?” he asked the cat. “To give you a gift sir,” replied the cat and he emptied the sack of dead rabbits at the Mayors feet. “Scum,” cried the Mayor, “Get these beasts out of here!”

Just then the Cook came by. “A pair of tasty rabbits, are they? I’ll cook you up a rabbit stew sir, that you won’t forget. A cat in boots! What next!” and she pulled the rabbits up and took them off to the kitchen. The Mayor composed himself and managed to speak, “Thank you, Puss.?”

“They are from my owner sir, the Marquis de Carabas.” said the Cat as he turned to leave. The Mayor’s daughter looked bewildered.

The Cat shimmied across the pipe to Preston. “Don’t worry,” he said, “Your troubles are over.” Preston and the Puss stayed down by the river and slept under the culvert. The next day the Puss made Preston catch a duck with his jacket and Puss carried it across the pipe in his sack. Luckily the Cook opened the door.

“Well, if it isn’t the Puss!! It is good for you the Mayor liked his rabbit stew, and now I’ll cook a fine duck dinner!”

Puss bowed low and said, “Give him the compliments of the Marquis de Carabas!”

“Whoever that may be!” said the Cook.

The next day the Cat urged the farmer’s son to climb across the pipe with him. The boy was a good climber from growing up on the farm, but he didn’t like the looks of the river.

“Don’t worry!” said the Cat, “It is shallow this time of year.”

The Cat had the boy crawl ahead of him and when they were close to you edge the cat pulled the young man’s leg and made him fall in. Luckily, the water was just up to Preston’s waist but it was mucky and stinky. “I’ll go for help!” cried the Cat. He ran in a panic to the mayor’s house. “The Marquis de Carabas has fallen in the river. Help! Help!”

The Mayor and his daughter and the cook ran down to the river. They grabbed the ladder from the side of the house and the three held on to one end while the Puss guided it out to Preston. Preston grabbed onto the end and they pulled him out. He was covered in mud and shivering.

“Better bring him up to the house sir. Or he’ll be catching his death.”

“Very well, then. He can use the shower in the basement and I’ll find him some clothes.”

Preston saw the Mayor’s daughter and began to think the Puss had something in mind! She was the most beautiful young woman Preston had ever seen. She had jet black hair falling over her face, sparkling brown eyes and pale cheeks. He gasped at her beauty. She winked at him.

Preston hurried into the basement, leaving a mucky trail behind him and showered. The Cook came and threw his clothes out, while she replaced them with some of the Mayor’s cast offs. He came out looking very fine indeed. This time the mayor’s daughter, Cassandra, gasped when she saw him.

“My daughter and I are just going out to dinner at the Ogre’s Palace Restaurant, we would be happy to drop you off on the way.”

“Very kind of you,” bowed the Cat, “but the Marquis is the new owner of that restaurant.”

“I am?” asked Preston, “I am!!” he exclaimed, catching a glare from the Cat. “We would be delighted to catch a ride with you. “

“I will go ahead,” said the Cat, “and make things ready.”

Bowing low again, he disappeared around the side of the house. When he was sure they were in the red Porche, he scrambled across the pipe and pulled the motorcycle from inside the bushes. The Cat zoomed through the busy city streets until he reached the outskirts of the city, a mile before the Ogre’s Palace Restaurant.

He came across a flock of crows sitting in a tree by the road. The Crows were complaining about being hungry. Preston promised the Crows all the stale bread that they could eat if they would fly in formation and write Marquis de Carabas across the sky above the road as soon as they saw a red Porche coming. The Crows agreed and with some coaching from the Cat, they were ready.

Well, it was a very muggy day, and there were swarms of mosquitoes around the entrance to the restaurant. The Cat made friends with them and told them his plan. The Mosquitos buzzed excitedly. Everything was almost ready.

Little be known to the public, the restaurant was actually run by an Ogre who managed to stay hidden in the large backrooms of the Palace. Only a few very trusted servants saw him in his real form. It was said that the Ogre could take the form of whoever he desired to look like. He truly behaved like an Ogre. He paid the people who worked for him very little. If they complained, the Ogre would turn himself into a fly and buzz around their heads until they were almost crazy. They would agree to anything in order to be left in peace.

He was huge and ugly. The Ogre had green skin with warts and grey knobs all over it. He had a terrible case of bad breath. The Ogre was reading the newspaper when the Cat surprised him. “Ah ha,” said the Cat. “I heard that you were a true Ogre. You are as ugly as they say.”

The Ogre laughed, “Compliments will get you nowhere!”

“Can you truly change yourself into different forms?” asked the cat.

“Watch this!.” responded the Ogre as he turned into a lion and chased Puss up the curtains. He laughed at the terrified cat.

“Well,” said the Cat as he recovered, “it makes sense that you can turn yourself into something large and terrible, but I bet that you can’t turn something else like the mosquitoes into something large and terrible.”

“Look outside,” said the Ogre. There were mosquitoes the size of people.

“Wow!” said Puss. “But surely you can’t turn yourself into something small like a mouse!”

The Ogre scoffed. “Of course, I can,” he said and turned himself into a tiny mouse. With a leap and a jump the cat pounced on him and swallowed him in a jiffy. Now everything was ready.

Puss ran into the front of the palace where the restaurant was. A beautiful restaurant it was! It had crystal chandeliers and huge oak beams holding up the ceiling. It had large windows that looked out onto the Manitoba prairies.

Puss asked “The tables look ready for a feast. Who’s coming?”

The waiter answered. “The Ogre’s personal friends are coming. They are monsters of all sorts, to be sure!”

Puss said, “The Ogre is no more! We will have a feast for the Mayor and his daughter and the Marquis de Carabas. This Palace now belongs to the Marquis. There will be no more flies buzzing in your ears.”

“Hooray!” shouted the staff. “But look,” they yelled as they looked out the windows. “Here come his monster friends.”

Puss ran to the door and called to the Giant Mosquitoes, “Get rid of them!” And the Mosquitoes tried to chase them away, but they were no match for the Monsters. Just then the Crows arrived for their stale bread. “Get rid of the monsters!” cried Puss again. Finally, as the Crows swooped around their heads and the Giant Mosquitoes stung them, the Monsters ran off onto the prairie, never to return.

Just then, the red Porche drove into the driveway. The Giant Mosquitoes lined the two sides of the driveway and bowed to and greeted the Marquis. The Marquis brought the Mayor and his daughter into the Palace Restaurant as all the staff bowed to him. They sat down before the feast. “It is on me!” said the Marquis.

They had a wonderful evening but the Mayor ate far too much to be able to drive home. So, the Marquis drove the red Porche with the Mayor’s daughter beside him and the Mayor asleep in the back seat. The Cook helped him into the house and Cassandra suggested they go to a night club. Which they did!

Meanwhile, the Cat and the Giant Mosquitoes feasted and the Crows pecked contentedly on stale bread in the grass at the Marquis Palace Restaurant. The Mosquitoes acquired quite a taste for red wine, so after that they left the desired customers alone, and waited for their feast of leftovers with Puss at the end of the night.

Puss in Cahoots: The Musical Script

Written by Sue Proctor - Music and Lyrics by Paul Langel

Based on the story by Charles Perrault – August 10, 2008

List of Characters

3 Mosquitoes - Tiny puppets hanging from fishing rods held by actors who are dressed like mosquitoes but have their headdresses turned backwards, to be turned around when the small mosquitoes transform into large mosquitoes.

4 Mice - Cardboard puppets on sticks held by actors dressed in grey who talk. 3 Crows – Actors dressed like the Blues Brothers, rock and roll stars with dark hats, sun glasses and cape trench coats that flap.

Puss – A person dressed as a cat

Preston, the Marquis de Carabas – young man who is a farmer’s son and turns into the Marquis once he is wearing the Mayor’s clothes.

Mother Goose - Old Father, Housekeeper (always dressed as Mother Goose with an added costume piece for each character she plays.)

2 Rabbits – Hand puppets on an actor in white.

Duck - Wooden toy on wheels being pushed on sticks by waddling duck-like puppeteers. Mayor

Cassandra, the Mayor’s Daughter is the most beautiful young woman Preston had ever seen. Cook – for the Mayor’s house and the Ogre’s Restaurant.

Ogre Fiends – Monsters with masks wearing suits.

Ogre – A large puppet head on top of the person’s head, who is covered with a cloak. The head can deflate. The Ogre becomes a Lion and then Puss’s Feline Friend - a person dressed as a girl cat.

Motorbike- made out of cardboard, painted and with handle bars.

Red Porsche - made out of painted cardboard with a round steering wheel.

Scene 1 – Old Farm Yard

(The farmhouse is upstage right. PRESTON is sitting on the downstage right side and drawing in the dirt with a stick. MICE are centre stage left doing a Conga Line dance. PUSS is sleeping centre upstage. The MOSQUITOES and CROWS are singing and doing a happy dance about how wonderful it is to live in the country.
PUSS jumps up after the first verse and moves to the chorus and becomes the leader. PUSS shows his teeth and claws to the audience and then discreetly picks off the back MOUSE of the Conga line and appears to eat it, leaving only the tail which PUSS shows to the other animals and the audience. The MICE are oblivious and continually dancing till the end of the song, when they look around and realize that one of them is missing.)

Country Living

Country Living

Country Living

Suits me fine

I could dance all day

Crows, mosquitoes,

Friends of mine,

Beat those drums and play

(PUSS jumps up)

Watch me jump

Watch me skip

Watch out mice

Don’t give me lip

(Music slows down. PUSS grabs mouse during verse)

Chorus (Others sing):

Puss is in a dancing mood,

Satisfied indeed!

Belly full of country food

What more could he need!

Puss sings:

Country living

Suits me well

I can hunt and chase

Better than

A fine hotel

Is my country place

(PUSS pretends to threaten mice to audience, but mice don’t notice because they are so intent on dancing.)

Watch me strut

Watch me prance

Kicking mice

My favorite dance

(Music slows down, there’s room for movement)

Chorus…

Country living

It’s a slice

Don’t mind mud and muck

All day long

I’m after mice

Trap them so they’re stuck

Watch me turn

Watch me sway

Sorry mice

It’s time to play.

(PUSS roars at the MICE. The MICE get scared and run downstage, almost onto the road.)

Chorus…

Repeat

(SINGERS lean on each other laughing and tired. MICE look around and realize one of them is missing. MICE look really scared and move onto the road stage left.) MOUSE 1

Where’d Charlie go? Augh! (pointing) His tail!

MOUSE 2

I can’t stand it! Let’s get out of here!

MOUSE 3

Oh, look at them having a good time! That Puss is always making us miserable. Let’s hop in a truck and go to the city!

MOUSE 1

My cousin has a nice place down by the river.

ALL MICE (exiting stage left)

Good Riddance Puss!

(MOTHER GOOSE comes onstage from stage right, waves her hand and all the characters freeze.)
MOTHER GOOSE

Hello everyone. Welcome to our show. It is wonderful to see you all here. I’m going to tell you the story of “Puss in Cahoots”. It is an old story with a new twist. This is an old farmyard. The animals, well most of the animals are happy, but I have some sad news for them. I am going to pretend to become Preston’s father. See, that’s Preston over there. He has no idea what is going to happen! I’m going to give him some news that will change his life!

(As MOTHER GOOSE exits stage right, she waves her hand and the characters unfreeze. MOTHER GOOSE goes behind and comes out of the farmhouse door dressed as the farmer with a baseball cap and a vest on.)
MOTHER GOOSE DRESSED AS FATHER

Son, I’ve got some bad news for you. It is time for me to go into the Personal Care Home and you, son, will go to the city. No more farming for you. Take the motorbike and the cat and go seek your fortune.

PRESTON (surprised)

Dad, what am I going to do if I have nowhere to live? This is just an old farm cat. Sometimes I think that he talks to the mosquitoes.

FATHER (As he goes into the house)

Life is hard. You need to make your own way. That cat’s smarter than you think. All we have we owe to that cat. The Agribusiness will take over the farm and just pay for me to go to the Personal Care Home. Here are your boots and sack, Puss. Good luck. Goodbye son.

PRESTON (to cat)

You’re all I have. I'm doomed.

PUSS

Well Preston, have a little bit of faith in me.

PRESTON

What? Did you talk?

PUSS

Of course, I can talk. Now listen to me.

PRESTON

You were talking to the mosquitoes

PUSS

Of course. They’re friends of mine.

PRESTON
I’m dreaming.
PUSS

Now listen to me. I know you’re a fine boy, even if you did drop out of college but you’re not going to be a farmer. I helped out your Dad, and so I’m going to help you out. Let’s go to the city and find your fortune. Your Dad was a hard case. You can’t be any worse.

PRESTON (still amazed)

Gee Puss! You can talk? That's amazing! A pair of boots and a sack? What can you do with those?

PUSS

You’ll be surprised!

(PUSS puts on the boots, throws the sack over his shoulder and hops on the motorbike to drive. He gestures for PRESTON to get on.)
PRESTON

Where to now?

PUSS
Down to the river.
(PRESTON hops on the motorbike and they ride out behind the stage left so that they can enter from stage right.)

Scene 2 – Empty Old Farm Yard

(The OGRE FIENDS arrive from stage right and look over the farm.)

OGRE #1

This is just the place for us.

OGRE #2

We’ll sell the animals and bulldoze the house.

OGRE #3

We’ll bulldoze the lilacs and the roses.

OGRE #1
Let’s go settle the deal with the farmer.
OGRE #2
He doesn’t need money where he’s going.
OGRE #3

We’ll make millions.

OGRE #1

Where’s that boy?

OGRE #2
He’ll be long gone. I told that farmer to get rid of him.
OGRE #3
No worries then.

(The OGRES go into the farmhouse pulling the bushes in front of the door, so that the door disappears.)

Scene 3 – Country Road

(PRESTON and PUSS drive back and forth across the front of the stage singing.)

Going Down the Road

Brrrm (Singers make Sound of motor bike starting) papapapapa
Brrrm (Singers make Sound of motor bike starting) papapapapa
Brrrm (Singers make Sound of motor bike starting) papapapapa
Brrrm (Singers make Sound of motor bike starting) papapapapa

Chorus:

Hey we’re going down the road
Faster than the wind (Yes we are!)
Hey we’re going down the road

We’re going for a spin (Yes we are!)

And the road is open wide

It’s all ours from side to side
Everything is possible
Everything could be
Hang on tight

We’re wild and free

Brrrm (Singers make Sound of motor bike starting) papapapapa
Brrrm (Singers make Sound of motor bike starting) papapapapa

Chorus:

Hey we’re going down the road …

Spread your arms they might be wings

On this road so many things

Could be happening

Just dare to dream

Clouds might turn into

whipping cream

Brrrm (Singers make Sound of motor bike starting) papapapapa
Brrrm (Singers make Sound of motor bike starting) papapapapa
Brrrm (Singers make Sound of motor bike starting) papapapapa
Brrrm (Singers make Sound of motor bike starting) papapapapa

Chorus:

Hey we’re going down the road …
Hey we’re going down the road …
Hey we’re going down the road …
Hey we’re going down the road …

Scene 4 – Down by the River

MOTHER GOOSE

Caw! Caw! Caw! Come to me crows! We’ve got work to do. Then you get your crusts!

(MOTHER GOOSE takes a long piece of cloth from behind the counter and calls the CROWS to help her. The CROWS create the river that goes across the stage from right to left. At stage right it is fairly close to the audience, then half-way across the stage it bends away from the audience and continues along the back
of the stage.
MOTHER GOOSE fumbles with a big map while she gives the CROWS instructions. The mime boxes are turned sideways across the river like a bridge. The middle part of the bridge can open like a draw bridge.
MOTHER GOOSE turns the farmhouse doors into the Mayor’s House on the right downstage corner. The CROWS bring the bushes in front of the river on stage left. When they are done, MOTHER GOOSE throws some dry bread to the CROWS as they perch on the bridge.)

MOTHER GOOSE (to audience as she reads from a list)

This is the river. This is a narrow foot bridge that crosses the river. These are the river crows. This is the Mayor’s House.

(Looking at her map, while walking, MOTHER GOOSE walks smack into the wall of the house.)
MOTHER GOOSE (to audience)

I’m too old for this. I should retire and go on a cruise. Oh, I’d better not dawdle. There’s work to be done. Somebody’s got to do it. So hard to get good help these days!

(MOTHER GOOSE enters the Mayor’s house. The MICE tumble into the bushes down at the river from stage left.)
MOUSE 1

That was lucky to get a ride from the farmer! This is where my cousin lives, but I don’t see him around.

MOUSE 2

This is heaven. Thank goodness we are away from that Puss!!!

MOUSE 3
Let’s run and play on the river bank!
(The MICE play and then chase behind the bushes. The motorbike arrives with PRESTON and PUSS from stage right.)

PUSS

This is a good place to stay. We can sleep in the bushes and no one will see us. (PUSS sniffs.) Ah, the wonderful smell of river mice. They smell the same as country mice!

(PUSS parks the motorbike in the bushes.)
PRESTON

I don’t know Puss. If it wasn’t such a strange thing that you can talk, I don’t know if I’d listen. What am I going to do to make a living?

PUSS

Trust me.

(PUSS is hunting for mice. The MICE are shaking under the bush. PUSS hangs his sack open underneath some branches and places a carrot inside and before long two RABBITS come hopping in from stage left. The RABBITS do a little fighting over the carrots dance. When the PUSS grabs the bag, the RABBIT PUPPETEERS remove their hands and run.)
PUSS (To PRESTON, taking the sack)

You wait here while I go to the Mayor’s house. I’ll catch those mice when I come back!

(PUSS climbs the footbridge that goes across the river. CROWS are perched on the bridge and have to jump off, flapping their wings to make way for PUSS and then the CROWS perch again.)
PUSS
Hello crows. I bring greetings from the black wings in the South!
CROWS

Caw! Caw! Caw! Caw! Evenin’

(While PUSS stops on the bridge and washes himself,
PRESTON lies down in the grass. The MICE come out
from hiding. The MICE are whispering away from PRESTON.)
MOUSE 1

Would you believe it!

MOUSE 2

That cat is Dangerous!!

MOUSE 3
I have a cousin who lives in a big restaurant outside of the city.
MOUSE 2

Would you believe it!

MOUSE 3

That cat is Dangerous!!

(The MICE sing together.)

Scared of Puss song

This, this it can’t go on

This, this it’s way too much

This Puss is never gone

We’re going insane, we’ve lost our touch

Chorus:

O yea, that’s where it's at

We’re haunted by a cat, by a cat

This this it makes us scared

This this it terrifies

We are so unprepared

For the claws like knives and those cruel eyes

Chorus:

O yea, that’s where it's at

We’re haunted by a cat, by a cat

This this must be the end

This this no mouse can bear

Puss waits around each bend

That cat won’t stop, it’s on a tear

Chorus:

O yea, that’s where it's at

We’re haunted by a cat, by a cat

Haunted by a cat
Let’s get out of here

Hurry up

We’ve got to get out of here….

MOUSE 2
Let’s go!!
MOUSE 1
Let’s get out of here!
MOUSE 3
Let’s go!!
MOUSE 1, 2, 3
Let’s get out of here!
MOUSE 1, 2, 3
Let’s go!!
(The MICE scurry off stage left.)

Scene 5 – The Mayor’s House

(On the other side of the bridge, PUSS walks right up to the Mayor’s door and rings the bell.)

MOTHER GOOSE dressed as HOUSEKEEPER (opening door)

EEEEEEEK
(The HOUSEKEEPER screams and runs inside. The Mayor’s daughter, CASSANDRA who was very fond of cats, comes running when she hears the scream.)
CASSANDRA (Laughing)

And what would you like Puss?

PUSS
I would like to give your father a gift, my pretty maiden.
CASSANDRA (shocked)

The cat talks! Father!

(CASSANDRA steps back in shock. The MAYOR comes running down the hall to see what is causing the commotion. The MAYOR stands still when he sees PUSS.)
MAYOR
What do you want?
PUSS

To give you a gift sir.

(The PUSS empties the sack of dead rabbits at
the MAYOR’S feet.)
MAYOR

Scum!!! Get these beasts out of here!

(Just then the COOK comes by.)
COOK

A pair of tasty rabbits, are they? I’ll cook you up a rabbit stew sir, that you won’t forget. A cat in boots! What next!

(The COOK picks the rabbits up and takes them off to the kitchen.)

MAYOR (composing himself and just managing to speak)

Thank you, Puss?

PUSS (as he turns to leave)

They are from my master sir, the Marquis de Carabas.

MAYOR (to the daughter)
Have you heard of the Marquis de Carabas?
CASSANDRA

The who? No, I don’t think so…

(The MAYOR and CASSANDRA are bewildered as they turn to go inside.)

Scene 6 – Down by the River

(PUSS shimmies back across the bridge to PRESTON and
calls to wake him up.)
PUSS
Hey! Don’t worry. Your troubles are over.
PRESTON

What do you mean – our troubles are over?? We have no place to live! I can’t eat mice!

PUSS

You’ll see. Just wait and see!!! Let’s go to sleep now and in the morning you’ll catch another present for the Mayor. (As he sniffs) I don’t smell those mice any more. Pity!

PRESTON

Catch a present for the Mayor????

PUSS

Yes. A duck.

PRESTON

A duck??!!

PUSS

Yes a duck. Now go to sleep.

PRESTON
If you couldn’t talk, I wouldn’t listen!
(PRESTON shakes his head. PRESTON and the PUSS lie down by the river and sleep. Soon the CROWS start crowing and flapping about and DUCKS enter stage right swimming along the river. The DUCKS honk as they come to the bridge, and the CROWS jump off and lift up the drawbridge. PUSS silently wakes PRESTON up and points to the ducks. He indicates that PRESTON should take off his jacket and catch a duck. PRESTON sneaks up behind the DUCKS and throws his jacket over one. PRESTON catches it and pulls it to shore. The other DUCK and upset PUPPETEER go flapping off, stage left. PRESTON gives the duck to PUSS, shakes his head and goes back to sleep. PUSS puts the duck in the sack, wrings his neck, then preens himself and gets ready to cross the river. PUSS acts out a little of how

he is going to present to the MAYOR. PUSS heads across the bridge, greeting the CROWS on the way.)

Scene 7 – The Mayor’s House

(PUSS carries the duck across the bridge to the Mayor’s door. PUSS rings the bell. Luckily the COOK opens the door.)
PUSS
Madame, a gift of a duck!
COOK

Well, if it isn’t the Puss!! It is a good thing for you the Mayor liked his rabbit stew, and now I’ll cook a fine duck dinner!

PUSS (bowing low)

Give him the compliments of the Marquis de Carabas!

COOK

Whoever that may be!

(PUSS scoots back over the drawbridge. PUSS is very pleased with himself. PUSS acts out the conversation with the cook in his mind and then lies down beside PRESTON and sleeps.)

Scene 8 – The Mice Hitchhiking

(The MICE enter from stage left walking down the road at the front of the stage. The PUPPETEERS are stopping, looking behind them, sticking their thumbs out, then watching a car go by.)
MOUSE 1

This is taking far too long.

MOUSE 2
How else are we going to get there?
MOUSE 3

What we need is another Delivery truck.

(MOTHER GOOSE enters stage right, walking down the road.)
MOTHER GOOSE

Are you mousies going to the Ogre’s Palace Restaurant?

MICE (altogether)
How did you know?
MOTHER GOOSE

A little birdie told me that there’s going to be lots of action there! You are going the wrong way! I know a short cut. Hop in my purse and I’ll give you a ride. But let me warn you, I’ll need a favour from you. We have work to do.

MICE (altogether)

Yay!!!

(The MICE hop into MOTHER GOOSE’S purse and she walks across the stage. Exit stage left.)

Scene 9 - Down by the River

(PUSS and PRESTON wake up and are eating some bread and cheese from the cat’s sack.)
PRESTON

Well Puss, this is our last food. I don’t know what we’re going to do now.

PUSS

We’re going to cross the river.

PRESTON

What good will that do?

PUSS

You’ll see.

(PUSS puts the food away and urges PRESTON to climb up on the drawbridge. PRESTON doesn’t like the looks of the river.)

PRESTON
I, I’m not sure about this.
PUSS
Don’t worry! It is shallow this time of year.
(PUSS has PRESTON go ahead of him and then PUSS pulls PRESTON’S leg and makes him fall in. PRESTON rolls around and gets tangled in the mucky, stinky, tattered, brown cloth that is under the blue river.)
PRESTON
Help! Help! I’m stuck!
PUSS
I’ll go for help!
(PUSS runs in a panic to the Mayor’s house.)
PUSS (As he bangs on the door)

The Marquis de Carabas has fallen in the river. Help! Help!

(The MAYOR, CASSANDRA and the COOK run down to the river, then grab an imaginary rope from the side of the house and the three hold on to one end while the PUSS guides it out to PRESTON. PRESTON grabs onto the end and gets pulled out, covered in mud and shivering.)
COOK
Better bring him up to the house sir. Or he’ll be catching his death.
MAYOR

Very well, then. He can use the shower in the basement and I’ll find him some of my old clothes.

(PRESTON looks at CASSANDRA and begins to realize what the PUSS has in mind! PRESTON gasps at her beauty. CASSANDRA winks at him. Then CASSANDRA goes to put the rope away beside the house. The MAYOR goes inside.
PRESTON hurries into the house, leaving a mucky trail behind him. The COOK comes and throws his clothes out in the trash by the door. PRESTON comes out of

the house looking very fine indeed. CASSANDRA gasps in awe as she comes back to the front door. PUSS gives PRESTON a fine tricorn hat.
PRESTON and CASSANDRA sing while they are falling in love.)

Love it is

(Girl or boy singing solo)

Suddenly

I can see

Clearly who you are

Makes my heart

Stop and start

As if I’ve seen a star.

Chorus:

I’m in love
Love it is

You must be the one

Take my hand

Hold my heart
Look what love has done.
Look what love has done.

(Boy or girl singing solo)

Yesterday

Felt so grey
Hadn’t seen you yet.

Then you came

Said my name.

How can I forget

Chorus:

I’m in love
Love it is

You must be the one

Take my hand

Hold my heart
Look what love has done.
Look what love has done.

(Singing together)

Come what may

I hope you’ll stay

Right here by my side.
May we grow

Old and slow

As we share the ride.

Chorus:

I’m in love
Love it is

You must be the one

I’ll take your hand
I'll hold your heart
Look what love has done.
Look what love has done.
MAYOR

My daughter and I are just going out to dinner at the Ogre’s Palace Restaurant. We would be happy to drop you off on the way.

PUSS (bowing)

Very kind of you, sir, but the Marquis is the new owner of that restaurant.

MARQUIS (stunned, but then catching a glare from the cat)

I am? I am! We would be delighted to catch a ride with you.
PUSS
I will go ahead, and make things ready.
(Bowing low again, PUSS disappears around the side of the house. MARQUIS, the MAYOR and CASSANDRA climb into the red Porsche and exit stage left on a road coming from the Mayor’s house behind the river. PUSS scrambles across the bridge, pulls the motorcycle from inside the bushes, and exits.)

Scene 10 – On the Road

(MOTHER GOOSE and the MICE enter. The MICE jump out of her purse and MOTHER GOOSE tells them what to do. During all this time, MOTHER GOOSE has a big map and list that she is turning over and trying to follow. MOTHER GOOSE is muddling with everything and misdirects the MICE several times.)

MOTHER GOOSE
Here we are. Let’s get to work. Now, you mice need to move that river!
(The MICE go to move the river but go under the cloth and get lost in it. The PUPPETEERS are on the side or “bank” of the river looking very concerned but nevertheless moving the mice under the “water.” MOTHER GOOSE is in a tizzy trying to find the MICE and asks the audience for help, but as MOTHER GOOSE follows directions from the audience she becomes even more confused. Finally, MOTHER GOOSE manages to find the mice and straighten things out.
The Mayor’s house is moved downstage, towards stage left, and turned into the Ogre’s Palace Restaurant. The bridge is turned to be part of the inside of the restaurant. The river disappears and the bushes are thickened on stage left to appear as the side of the road.)
MOTHER GOOSE

Oh my goodness, that was hard work! Come along, mousies. We’re almost there. Hop into my purse again, I’ll carry you the rest of the way. Thank you for your help.

(The CROWS appear from behind the bushes stage left and start to sing. During the song PUSS arrives on his motorbike and stops to listen.)

Rock’n Roll Crows

Chorus:

We’re rock rock rock

Rock ’n’ roll crows

We follow the wind

Wherever it blows!

We’re rock rock rock

Rock ‘n’ roll crows

We’re cool indeed

And we hope it shows

We’re rock rock rock

Rock ’n’ roll crows

We’re rock rock rock

Rock ’n’ roll crows

Gimme my shades

It’s time to perform

Making trouble
Is our norm

We arrive in bunches

And do what we like

When you try to chase us

we say, ‘take a hike!’

Chorus:

We’re rock rock rock …

Gimme my coat

It’s nice and black

We’ve got attitude a plenty

There ain’t no lack.

We like to craw and

Make some noise

And in the craziest moments

We keep our poise.

We’re rock rock rock

Rock ’n’ roll crows

We’re rock rock rock

Rock ’n’ roll crows
PUSS (bowing low)

Good day to you, my crows. You don’t look very happy.

CROW 1

Caw! Caw! We’re very hungry.

CROW 2
Nothing to eat for days!
CROW 3

That Ogre at the Palace Restaurant won’t give us any scraps.

PUSS

So there really is an Ogre there?

CROW 1
He manages to stay hidden in the Palace Restaurant.

CROW 2

Only a few very trusted servants ever see him as he really is.

CROW 3
He can turn himself into anything!!!.
CROW 1
He is horrible!!
CROW 2
He hardly gives any money to the people who work for him.
CROW 3

If they feed us stale bread, he turns himself into a fly and buzzes around their heads until they are almost crazy.

CROW 1

They’re scared to let us have the scraps.

CROW 2
His friends are almost as bad as him.
CROW 3

They’re monsters.

PUSS

I promise you all the stale bread that you can eat if you will dance and sing for the Marquis as soon as you see a red Porsche coming. Then fly and tell me at the Ogre’s Palace Restaurant that they are coming.

CROWS

Caw! Caw! Caw! Yes! Yes! Yes!

(PUSS coaches them on how to bow low and say “Hail to the Marquis de Carabas!” PUSS exits.)

Scene 11 – In Front of the Palace Restaurant

(It is a very muggy day, and there are swarms of small MOSQUITOES around the entrance to the restaurant. MOTHER GOOSE arrives. The MICE jump out of her purse.)
MOTHER GOOSE

There you go my small friends. I’m going to talk with my friend the cook in the kitchen and see how she likes her new job.

(MOTHER GOOSE enters the restaurant.)
MOUSE 1

That was a bumpy ride!

MOUSE 2
I’m sick of traveling!
MOUSE 3

This is the place. We’ll eat well here!

MOUSE 1

You don’t hear a motorbike, do you? Let’s hide in these bushes.

PUSS (Arriving on his motorbike, dismounting and bowing low)

Hello my buzzy friends. I bring greetings from the short wings in the South. Sam, Goliath and Marty are my good friends.
MOSQUITOES (flapping excitedly)
Buzz, buzz, buzz.
PUSS
This restaurant is actually being run by an Ogre isn’t it? He is huge and ugly isn’t he? He has green skin with warts and grey knobs all over it, doesn’t he? I bet he has a terrible case of bad breath!!!
MOSQUITOES (in agreement)
Buzz, buzz, buzz!!!!

PUSS
I have a plan that could improve your lot.
(PUSS whispers to the Mosquitoes and they get more and more excited. PUSS disappears into the restaurant.)
MOUSE 1
I don’t believe it!
MOUSE 2
Did you see who I see?
MOUSE 3
I don’t believe it!
MOUSE 2
Did you see who I see?
MOUSE 1
Did you see who I see?
MOUSE 2
I don’t believe it!

MOUSE 1, 2, 3 (banding together, swinging their legs as a chorus)

Three scared mice

See how we run

The Puss runs after us farmer’s mice

He cuts off our tails with his teeth of knives
Have you ever seen such a fright in your life

We’re three scared mice

Three scared mice

MOUSE 3
Let’s go find my cousin.
(The MICE disappear into the restaurant)

Scene 12 – In the Palace Restaurant

(The doors swing open and the scene changes to the inside of the restaurant. A back drop, or projected image reveals an elegant restaurant with a few tables and chairs in front of the backdrop. The audience can still see the MOSQUITOES by the front door. The OGRE is sitting at a table reading the newspaper when the MICE appear at the side of the room, unseen by the OGRE.)
MOUSE 4

See. There’s the Ogre. We’re perfectly safe around him. He hardly sees anything. He’s too big and stupid to even catch us.

(The MICE hear something and run under the table. PUSS comes into the room suddenly. The OGRE is surprised.)

MOUSE 1, 2, and 3 (making sure they can't be seen)

Augh!!! That’s the Puss!!!

PUSS

What a beautiful restaurant! Look at that magnificent crystal chandelier and those huge oak beams that hold up the ceiling. And what lovely windows to look out onto the Manitoba prairies. Ah ha. I heard that you were a true Ogre. Your Palace restaurant is beautiful but you are as ugly as they say.

OGRE (laughing)

Compliments will get you nowhere!

PUSS

Can you truly change yourself into different forms?

OGRE

Can I change myself into different forms?

(OGRE sings and tap dances clumsily.)

Trouble, Trouble

Trouble is my first name

My middle name too

Trouble is my last name

I am trouble through and through

I wish that it would bother me I am not concerned

They call me double trouble

A reputation that’s well earned Can’t seem to recall

What it means to be nice

If I can scare you once
I need to do it twice.
My Ogre's heart
Is filled with deceit
It has to be wicked

With every beat

Chorus

Trouble, trouble

How I know the sound
My Ogre’s feet

Are trouble bound

Trouble, trouble

Makes my world go round
My Ogre’s feet

Are trouble bound

Trouble is my business

I do it all day long

Some people practice instruments I practice doing wrong

I can turn no matter what

Upside down and inside out

Turn a scrumptious ice cream sundae Into sour, sour Sauerkraut. Don't know anymore

What it means to be sweet

I can give you something bitter And pretend it's a treat

My Ogre's mind
Is twisted and bent

And any thought of kindness,

Don't even know where it went.

Chorus

Trouble, trouble

How I know the sound
My Ogre’s feet

Are trouble bound

Trouble, trouble

Makes my world go round
My Ogre’s feet

Are trouble bound

My Ogre’s feet

Are trouble bound

My Ogre’s feet

Are trouble bound

OGRE

Watch this!

(The OGRE turns into a LION and chases PUSS and the PUSS jumps on a table. The OGRE laughs at the terrified cat.)
PUSS (recovering)

Well, that makes sense that you can turn yourself into something large and terrible, but I bet that you can’t turn something else like the mosquitoes into something large and terrible.

OGRE (still a lion, points out the front door)
RRRRRRRRoar! Look outside.
(The MOSQUITOES grow to the size of people, turning their headdresses around and get rid of the puppets. The MOSQUITOES are looking at their arms and legs in surprise.)
PUSS

Wow! That is amazing! But surely you can’t turn yourself into something small like a mouse!

OGRE (scoffing)

Of course I can!!

(The OGRE/LION throws his cape over his head and crouches on the floor. His head disappears under his cape and a clockwork MOUSE with a golden crown runs out from underneath. With a leap and a jump the PUSS pounces on the MOUSE. PUSS puts it in his mouth but pulls it out in disgust.)
PUSS
(looking at the crown that he has pulled from his mouth.)

What the heck? What is this? A crown???

(Suddenly, magic music sounds. The OGRE’S coat bulges and moves until the FELINE FRIEND springs from underneath.)
PUSS

You’re a girl!!!!

FELINE FRIEND

Yes. Those Ogre fiends put a spell on me and kept me here to guard the restaurant. I really am a princess from Kingston. Your kiss broke the spell.

PUSS

Kiss? Kiss? Well, maybe we could get to know each other a little better and keep each other warm on winter nights? Maybe we could run the restaurant together?

(PUSS moves towards his FELINE FRIEND and they start rubbing up against each other and purring. PUSS starts looking around the restaurant like he’s the new owner.)
PUSS

And we can dine on……

(PUSS sniffs the air and so does his FELINE FRIEND. They make eye contact, slowly start to stalk like they are hunting and suddenly uncover the MICE who are hiding under the table, hidden by a table cloth. PUSS and his FELINE FRIEND freeze.)
PUSS (sniff, sniff)

Ah ha!!! You little pests!!!!

MICE 1, 2, 3, 4

Yikes!!! Yikes!!! Yikes!!! Yikes!!!

(PUSS and his FELINE FRIEND start to chase the MICE around the room, but keep getting distracted by their attraction for each other. MOTHER GOOSE comes in running because she hears the commotion. The MICE run under her skirts to hide. MOTHER GOOSE sees PUSS and the FELINE FRIEND look at each other and purr.)
MOTHER GOOSE
My goodness! What’s going on? That’s not in the story! She’s not in the story!
(PUSS and the FELINE FRIEND look up, surprised. MICE are jumping around under MOTHER GOOSE’S skirts.)
MOTHER GOOSE

Come on my little friends. What have you been up to Puss! Changing the story on me! I’ll talk to you later. We have work to do!

(MOTHER GOOSE sighs and exits with MICE stage right.)

Scene 13 – The Front of the Palace Restaurant

(The COOK and MOTHER GOOSE dressed like a WAITRESS are standing outside the restaurant looking at the giant MOSQUITOES in disbelief. PUSS comes out at the front of the restaurant. The MOSQUITOES are checking out their new abilities and voices. The MOSQUITOES sing while everyone stands and stares.)

Mosquitoes

They say we’re tiny

But we could rule the world

They try to squash us

But we just send some more

We know they fear us

They talk about us all the time

They try to lock us out

But we slip past the door.
People know our name.
It’s the price of fame

Chorus:

No self-respecting mosquito

Will ever travel incognito

It’s true we cause apprehension
But we do quite like the attention

We laugh and chuckle

When their arms do flap about

It looks so funny

To see them slapping their own skin

We keep on working

And simply do what we do best

While they are trying to fight back

And yet it’s clear they’ll never win.

People know our name.
It’s the price of fame …

Chorus

Repeat
PUSS
It smells like they are ready for a feast. Who’s coming?
COOK

The Ogre fiends are coming. They are monsters of all sorts, to be sure!

PUSS
The Ogre is no more! The Ogre is gone, but my Feline Friend is here. (Smiling at her). We will have a feast for the Mayor, his daughter and the Marquis de Carabas. This Palace now belongs to the Marquis. There will be no more flies buzzing in anyone’s ears.
COOK
Hooray! But look, here come the monster fiends.
PUSS (yelling)

You giant mosquitoes, get rid of those monsters!

(Various nasty looking OGRES in suits enter from stage left.
The MOSQUITOES try to chase them away, but they are no match
for the OGRES. Just then the CROWS arrive for their stale bread.)

CROWS (cawing loudly)

The Marquis is coming!!!!

PUSS (yelling)
Help get rid of the monsters!
(Finally, as the CROWS swoop around their heads and the giant MOSQUITOES sting them, the OGRES run off onto the prairie behind the restaurant. Just then, the red Porsche drives into the driveway from stage right.)
PUSS (bowing)

Welcome to our humble abode. Please join us for a meal at no expense.

(The MARQUIS leads the MAYOR and CASSANDRA into the restaurant, giving PUSS, the COOK and MOTHER GOOSE an amazed look as he walks by.)

Scene 14 - Inside the Palace Restaurant

(The doors are opened as the MARQUIS, the MAYOR and CASSANDRA enter the restaurant. The inside of the restaurant is visible again. They are served by MOTHER GOOSE.)
MARQUIS (with great dignity)

Welcome esteemed Mayor and lovely Cassandra. I can hardly believe that you are here. It’s such a pleasure to dine with you.

MAYOR

Quite a place you have here.

CASSANDRA
Lovely.
MARQUIS (to Mother Goose)

We'll try a little of everything that you've prepared for the feast.

MOTHER GOOSE

Yes sir. Pleased to serve you sir!

(MOTHER GOOSE winks at audience.)

CASSANDRA
How lovely of you to arrange a feast!
MARQUIS
It was nothing.
MAYOR
It is indeed an honour to be your guest.
(As MOTHER GOOSE and COOK bring the food, the MAYOR becomes completely engrossed in eating while the MARQUIS and CASSANDRA get more and more affectionate. The MARQUIS and CASSANDRA look at each other, then look away and giggle as they sing a verse and chorus of the love song.)

Scene 15 - Outside the Palace Restaurant

(PUSS brings out leftovers and closes the doors to the restaurant. The giant MOSQUITOES feast outside and the CROWS peck contentedly on stale bread in the grass.)
MOSQUITOES (to Puss)

This grape juice is very good. It quenches the thirst.

PUSS

I'm glad you like it. Perhaps you could drink grape juice and not bother the customers. That is, of course, unless I need you to.

MOSQUITOES

Yes. Buzz. Buzz. Quite tasty!!!!

PUSS
Each night we can feast on the leftovers. You might like these blood oranges.
MOSQUITOES (in agreement)

Yes. Lovely!!!

(MOSQUITOES sing a verse and chorus of the mosquito song. The CROWS come in with their song.

Eventually, the MARQUIS and CASSANDRA come out helping the MAYOR, who is burping from over-eating, and put him in the back seat of the Porsche where he sleeps. On the way to the car, CASSANDRA stops to admire the FELINE FRIEND and her lovely coat. Mother Goose enters as the FATHER and stops the MARQUIS.
MARQUIS
Father, you’re here.
FATHER
Puss told me of your good fortune and said you might have room for me.
MARQUIS

Of course. Go straight to the kitchen and get some food. This has all turned out quite well.

FATHER
Nobody like that Puss. (exits)
(MARQUIS and CASSANDRA get in the car just as the MICE come running out of the restaurant. The 4 MICE jump into the back of the Porsche and wave goodbye. The MARQUIS and CASSANDRA drive off stage right waving to Puss and singing occasional lines from their love song. MICE sing occasional lines from fear of the Puss song. MOTHER GOOSE comes out of the restaurant. She waves her magic wand and all the characters freeze.)
MOTHER GOOSE

Well, the mice say they are going to move into the Mayor’s house. Likely Puss will never go there, he seems quite happy here, living in the country once again with his Feline Friend!

(MOTHER GOOSE taps PUSS on the shoulder with her magic wand. PUSS comes alive. PUSS takes off his boots and grabs the sack from his shoulder.)
MOTHER GOOSE

Well Puss, you fooled me this time.

PUSS

It was time I had a friend! Here’s your boots and sack. I don’t think that I’ll need them for another hundred years! Let’s dance!!

(MOTHER GOOSE takes the boots and the sack, then she waves her wand and all the characters come alive. The COOK, CROWS, MOSQUITOES, FELINE FRIEND and PUSS all dance and sing. The Porsche backs up with the MAYOR driving and dances. The MARQUIS and CASSANRA come running, they stop, look at each other and start dancing. PUSS gets on the motorbike with his FELINE FRIEND and roars in circles. The MICE do a soft shoe across the front of the stage, but the MICE often check behind them and look nervously about.)

Country Living

Closing Version

Country Living

Suits me fine

I could dance all day

Crows mosquitos,

Friends of mine,
Beat those drums and play

Watch us eat

Watch us drink

Royal living

So we think

Chorus (Others sing):

Puss is in a dancing mood,

Satisfied indeed!

Belly full of country food

What more could he need!

Puss sings:

Country living

Is sublime
Leftovers each night

Getting better

All the time

Simply out of sight

Watch us laugh

Watch us smile

Think we’ll stay here

Quite a while.

END

Foolish Peacock

Silly Scripts: Puss in Cahoots, The Musical

Based on the story by Charles Perrault – August 10, 2008

Puss in Cahoots - The Story

Puss in Cahoots: The Musical Script

Written by Sue Proctor - Music and Lyrics by Paul Langel

Based on the story by Charles Perrault – August 10, 2008

List of Characters

Scene 1 – Old Farm Yard

Country Living

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